Emotions

Causing emotional pain 

that is something I cannot bear

Seeing the hurt on your face 

Knowing I caused that

It's different from physical pain

If I cause you physical pain or you me- we can get over it in an instant

The pain comes and goes like a flash of light but not so with the other form

It lingers long after

It can burn for years

And years if we let it

Maybe that's the key

The key to healing from emotional pain

Don't let it linger?

Or maybe let it come and go like the flash of light that is the physical pain we feel when we accidentally cut our finger or jam a hand in the car door

Sure these incidents can leave scars but come on, scars are cool... right?

Who wants to be emotionally scarred? That just sounds so not cool

Actually it sounds a lot like me and you- if I can be so bold

Aren't we all a bit scarred inside and out

Don't we all bear marks from each other? 

From living?

Living in an imperfect world

Living where hate is spewed on the daily and lovers of peace and light tire relentlessly to combat it

Emotionally scarred doesn't sound so bad after all

For scars are the product of healing 

And you and I have them 

And isn't that the goal? 

to be healed?

NEW. NEW. NEW.

Spring, everything is new. It can be green, rainy, wet, flowery and transformative. There's a feeling of hope in the atmosphere.  That all the hard work of those winter months were not in vain. They were worth all the loneliness, the labour and the exhaustion. What seemed like an everlasting darkness is brought into the lightness that is spring. The air is still crisp and cold but there is this promise of something better. It's right there, you can see it, you can start to feel it in your soul. This newness brings a hope that does not fade. It stays and it gets brighter with each day. 

Everyday the sun sets a few minutes later, leaving us with a little more evening light to finish tasks we didn't get to earlier. It holds us. It keeps us. It keeps me going. It gives me strength to finish the goals, ideas and dreams that burn inside me. They've laid dormant all winter, ruminating, waiting to get out into the physical world. And when the time is finally right, it's as if they all come at once, a flood of ideas, a river of songs, a release of emotions that weren't fully expressed. Words come out that cannot be kept in any longer and friendships begin akin to brothers and sisters you've known since birth. The bond of our struggles unites us, it frees us to see each other, to be vulnerable and fragile with one another. 

Who knows how these things and relationships start or where they will end. But what I do cling to is that they matter. The aspirations and loves we form are worth our time. People are worth giving a damn about. You are worth my time. And in turn, I hope I am worth yours. 

I think its important to move and interact in a way that uplifts each other. To recognize in ourselves when we need to pull back or push on. I hope and pray that this spring brings you what you have been searching for all winter long. I pray that our differences wouldn't stop us from connecting and seeing each other for who we really are and dream to be.

Winter's Sun

It's December, December 20th to be exact. As I sit in the winter's sun I reflect on winter's past. Some spent in the Australian sun, most spent here in the cold tundra that is Canada. My heart is content, is warm and thankful. Gratitude fills my soul, I am home, to flourish where God has planted me for this time. To grow not without struggles or hardships, but with. 

Has anyone been stretched, matured, or been pushed without pain? I think not. Growth only comes with some sort of pain. No pain, no gain, right? 

I used to be afraid of pain, but now I see how there is beauty in the struggle and trials. Beauty often comes out of the darkest of places, if we let it. This past year I have learned how to let that beauty come out. I have learned the true value and meaning of perseverance and the importance of pushing through when all things seem to be against you. I've learned how to push back, to walk through without losing heart and come out the other side with more grace and wisdom than before. Winter is a funny thing, it is cold and harsh, but there is so much beauty that comes with it and after it. 

Of Late

More photos from my time this past month in Newcastle, Australia. 

Back in Australia

I landed in Australia four days ago and am so stoked to be back in this beautiful country. Here are a few photos I've been able to take since being back in Newcastle.

MUM

Mum, Mom, Mother, Mummy. All of these words mean the same thing yet they all carry a different kind of weight. Personally, I like to call my mum, 'Mum'. I used to call her 'Mummy', but when I became a teenager I felt like that was a bit too childish. 

I was in Chapters a few weeks ago and stumbled upon this article about how this lady, a writer by trade, found the saying, 'You should listen to your mother' to be true. Sometimes as a 25 year old woman, still trying to figure out my 'calling' in life I find it hard to listen to my own mothers wisdom but as this lady found out its so worth it to do. 

"...enabled me to make a living doing what I had always loved. And for this I can thank my mother. Because she was the one who saw that her business graduate daughter was not quite content and made me apply to a school of communications. You should listen to your mother. Really." - Lady (who's name I can't remember)

Sometimes I take my mum and her age old advice for granted. But as I grow and mature I'm finding more often than not that I should really just listen to her. Not just because she's 30 years older than I am but because she has had experience and gone through similar things that I am now facing. 

So this is for you Mum, I'm sorry that more often than not, I don't listen to your advice and wisdom but I want to change that. I love you and am so grateful for you. 

Anxious Flyer Much?

You don't notice the sometimes frightening bumps and sudden jolts when your whole flight has been that way.

I remember back in May when I was travelling to Turkey with a group of friends and we were flying the infamous Malaysian Air. We were flying from London to Istanbul and I had been nervous about flying Malaysian Air but on this particular flight my anxiety was getting the best of me. Every little bit of turbulence was freaking me out and when we had arrived and were making our decent to land, we didn't. And the second time we didn't. This is when my anxiety started to climb. All these irrational thoughts started racing through my mind. Like maybe we can't land because terrorists have taken over! Or we're not landing because there's a terrorist issue on the ground at the airport! Or simply, this is it, we are all going to die!!!!

All of these thoughts were going through my mind in a matter of minutes. All the while I'm trying to calm myself down and not totally pass out or start crying because I have no idea what is going on. And then in the middle of my internal freak out I hear the quiet still voice of Jesus say to me, "Anna do you trust me enough to give me your anxiety?"In that moment, when I felt Jesus speaking to me and felt for the first time on this whole turbulent flight His peace and comfort, I was ok. I stopped and took a breath and replied, "Yes, but I'm freaking out!"

And then on the third approach, we landed.

I feel like God lets us go through stuff, like little freak outs on turbulent flights, to bring us and draw us closer in to relationship with Him. And it's our choice if we respond to His knocking on our hearts.

I've probably struggled with anxiety since I was a small child but only have I recently come to terms with it. The more I go through life and meet people who have experienced similar anxious feelings the more I feel ok with it. And the more I keep talking to and trusting the Lord with my worries and sometimes very irrational concerns, the easier it is to live and breathe in freedom from it.